The Power of Letting Go: How to Love Without Expectations

I find it unfair that you would get married or into a relationship with someone with the expectation that they will change who they are. You saw them before getting into a relationship with them.

You must have loved them for who they are so why the sudden change of mind?

Must you not love people just the way they are? If you don’t like them the way they are—without changing a thing—then leave them alone. As an adult would you want to meet someone who feels entitled to change a thing about you? Its uncomfortable.

Change unless prompted by one’s self is not something that should be forced on someone. People should change for themselves not because someone they are close to is pushing for a change in a passive-aggressive or outright aggressive manner.

Otherwise, if we are to change for everyone we get close to, we shall end up never living as our true selves. We shall live to please others by being who they want us to be and changing the things about us that make us who we are. (And I am not promoting bad manners. Trust me.)

For instance, a man meets a chubby woman. They fall in love. Months into the relationship, he begins to make demands that she lose the weight. Are you insane? I think that is insane.

You found her with the weight. You asked to date her with the weight. Unless, it is something she has presented to you that she needs help with, I advise that you do not broach that subject at all. Because, it is communicating that all of a sudden she’s not enough for you.

If you truly love her, I know you do not want her to think that.

Another example is of a woman that gets into a relationship with her a quarrelsome man. You have observed him. He’s rude and loud with everyone. He’s entitled and rude.

Despite, all these you get into a relationship with him stupidly or naively thinking that he will change. There’s a huge price to pay for naivety. Just so you know. The world does not become nice to you because you are naïve.

For who? You? How fooled you are! That is who he is. He is an adult that lacks good manners.

You saw this. You ignored it. Or you thought this is something you can live with. So, stand by your word. Live with it without expectation of change. That unconditional love is what actually brings change especially if and when you do not expect it.

This is why I believe that the only time you should date someone is after being friends with them.

Be friends without the intention to date. Live with them—not in their houses—through daily interactions. Watch and listen. Observe. Learn. Assess if the things you have learnt about this person over time are things you can live with for the rest of your life.

Your answer and analysis of the above is what you should base on if that person ever asks you to date them.

I find it repulsive and bizarre that people would date strangers.

How can one you have not been friends with date you? Graduating from stranger to boyfriend is an overstep that is in my opinion.

The order of things as I think it should be is; strangers to friends to either dating or remaining friends depending on the assessment made about the friendship. Step by step.